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Not Much Trolling, Just Existential Dread


Ok, so I'm not exactly the Twitter troll I set out to be.  I'm still just me: an individual with that sinking feeling that our Democracy is failing in a big way.  While it's been somewhat comforting to find people articulating (succinctly!) the things I intuitively have known in my gut, it's been something of a crash course with a lot of information coming at me that has overwhelmed me at moments.  I've had to walk away a couple of times.  Not exactly the relief  I was seeking. 

Alas the more I know the worse I feel, but it's not like I can go back.   You can't unknow stuff (and yes there are many snarky jokes to be had there).  Not only were my instincts correct, but the situation is so much worse than I thought.  I knew trump was inept and unqualified, but I didn't know how little regard he had for our LAWS or government - or humans.  I thought he'd do some bad stuff over time, and over time we'd recover.  But I didn't know he was truly evil or that he was already in so deep with Putin from way back.  I didn't know his intentions included nepotism and bilking the citizens of the United States for gazillions of dollars to feed only his ego and impetuous whims.  I thought he genuinely loved this country, just in a very different way than I do.  But, well, he has no love, he has no soul.

I don't want to be saying these things, and I know how crazy these ideas must seem to the Average Joe trump supporter (ie not the cult follower trump supporter, for I am concerned with Average Joe, but not cult follower).  I can admit I have swung far left, and I can also admit that I came into this with a strange and heartbreaking bias (that I have yet to disclose here), but one thing that has been reinforced in my month on Twitter: that my instincts are spot on.  I have the ability to see into the heart of the matter, though I can't back my intuition up; invariably a day or a week later I will read something confirming my gut.  No, I'm not saying I'm psychic, just that I get it though I can't articulate it. 

So lately  my gut's been telling me we're in BIG trouble. 

Aside from the destruction of democracy in America, I have had an awful lot going on in my life.  I have to sort it all out, and I will find a way to do this soon.  Indeed, I have a very important and stressful week ahead: I am going have a "Memorial Celebration of Life" and clean out the house of my mother who passed away in December.  This should bring some closure and then maybe I can begin the sorting out of all these dreadful ideas in my head.

Maybe next time I'll explain how I know, deep in my gut, that trump killed my mother.




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